How are you feeling today?
by Blue fantaisie
Summary: A biology class in Forks, a lonely vampire at his table and a brunette girl who arrives in a rush. Nothing really original at first glance and yet...
1. Chapter 1

Summary: A biology class in Forks, a lonely vampire at his table and a brunette girl who arrives in a rush. Nothing really original at first glance and yet...

This story was originally written my mother tongue, so I asked the great mistress of parody to help me, and...she said yes!

If you don't know her yet, shame on you. With all her lovely ideas, I can say she is the co-author to this (silly) story: miss **Tiffaninichole** (link in my favorite authors)

**~ How are you feeling today? ~**

EPOV

Arrgh, Oumph, Pfui, hiark, ouch, yuck, niark, giark, poukiark.

There was not enough onomatopoeia in my vocabulary to describe all I that I'd smelled. Since that girl had stepped in front of the fan's spinning blades, my heart dropped and my throat closed on impulse. I was pretty thankful for that, since my lunch would now stay where it belonged.

I looked around the classroom, read the feeble minds of the human children around me, only to find that they were as oblivious as ever. How could they not notice that intense stench?

I was well-aware of my supernaturally heightened senses, but could it be that I was really the only one to notice the wave which hit me with the delicacy of a tsunami? Though there was nothing imposing in her appearance.**  
**

Drats.

It slipped my mind that I was the only one in the class without a partner.

She had absolutely no choice but to sit next to me and be a constant thorn in my side. The girl cast an anxious glance my way and continuously sniffed her clothes and hair - although she tried to mask her actions by acting as if she were turning her head to look at something.

Yes, human girl. You stink.

I stopped breathing. _That _I could do. I could hold it for however long it took. I only hoped Mr. Banner wouldn't address me during class. Upon my ignoring our teacher, the girl would undoubtedly find me impolite. But her petty annoyance with me would be miniscule compared to the potential massacre that would occur were I to take a breath. Besides, she brought this on herself. No one sits next to the Cullens.

Didn't she see my scowl?

I had to get out. I had to escape. How could I skip class without bringing attention to myself? Fake an illness? After all, it wasn't very far from the truth. But what if Mr. Banner asked the girl to accompany me to the nurse's office?

Things could get very messy... blood _does_ stain, after all.

If I chose to stay, I could kiss my broody and mysterious reputation goodbye.

I chose to focus on counting the seconds. When that failed, I began practicing my various pained expressions. I had an impressive catalogue with eighty-seven expressions to date.

The problem wouldn't fix itself. I'd have to drop by the front office and use my supernatural wiles to manipulate Mrs. Cope into changing my classes. The poor woman. Condensation fogged her glasses whenever I walked into her office. I still hadn't gotten the guts to listen to her thoughts. I dare not enter, lest I be haunted for eternity.

My thoughts drifted to the stinky girl. Long brown hair with auburn highlights, deep black eyes, a thin, almost translucent complexion.

I imagined myself letting her discover seventh heaven, making her scream and writhe around...

But why did she have to stink so badly?

**Of course, it's not because the story is already finished in another language that we don't need reviews... **


	2. Chapter 2

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 2

BPOV

The morning had gone well; apparently no one had noticed my "little problem". When Eric first approached me and asked permission to write an article on me, I thought he would immediately notice _something_. But he didn't. It must have been because we were outdoors. Plus, he was too busy questioning the "new one," as everyone had nicknamed me behind my back.

The school almost never gets new students. Everyone there had known each other since kindergarten. And that pretty much sucked for me, since boys always set their sights on the new, shiny object of the month. It just so happened that _I _was that new, shiny object.

Lucky me.

Well, Eric is nice, but he's a bit oafish.

Gym class was the icing on the cake. A kind-eyed cocker approached me while I profusely apologized for having inadvertently threw a volley ball at his neck. It wasn't my fault that I wasn't good with my fingers... or my feet... or anything, really.

I made a mental note to avoid him like the plague. That thought was cemented after a girl in my class named Jessica practically glued herself to his side. As if anyone but _her_ could be interested.

Grody.

I at least it had their company at lunch, so I wouldn't have to eat alone. But I didn't understand how they could stand sitting within a twelve mile radius of me. They must have suffered from severe sinus blockage or something.

I had just arrived in Forks and pretty much spent the entire weekend in my father's empty shell of a home, de-boning and freezing a ton and a half of fish. In the few days I'd been here, we had been through three freezers. The house and everything in it -including me- reeked of fish.

Charlie's fishing perplexed me. He never cooked. Why catch fish and bring them home if you had no plans to cook them? He'd just throw them in the freezer until it broke down and we were forced to buy a new one.

My first day, Charlie approached me with a fishing rod in hand and asked me to accompany him to the reservation to go fishing with his friend Billy.

Basically, the first Saturday of my new life in Forks was spent preparing and frying fish for the entire reservation.

That night, there was some kind of Pow wow with VIPs and the whole shebang. Everyone had a great time and during the ceremony, I was dubbed as "the white wolf." I was sure that after a few more weeks, I'd soon be named "The One to Thank From A Distance" or "Smells Like Fried Fish."

I would ask Jacob the next time I saw him. Cute, that boy was. Yes, _cute_. I must admit that his muscles were very impressive... his abs, biceps, triceps... and then there was that Colgate smile. It was a shame that he was so young. Now that I was a sophomore, I couldn't be caught dead dating someone in junior high.

Ah well. Little Jacob would become a big boy one day.

Now, where was I?

Ah yes, Forks. Nothing interesting here. Nothing but the Cullens. Nothing but _Edward _Cullen. Because I wasn't into girls. But if I was, I'd totally think Rosalie was hot. But I'm not, so I didn't notice at all.

Edward... he makes things complicated.

He did _not _have a stuffy nose in biology class!

I thoroughly scrubbed, I swear I did. I used my strawberry shampoo and everything. I thought the smell did pretty well at covering the smell of fish that was constantly excreting from my pores.

I tried to discreetly smell my clothes and my hair to understand the extent of the damage, but after smelling nothing but fish for days, it was all I could smell. _Everything _smelled like fish to me.

Poor boy, he was white as a sheet and I was embarrassed for him. He was on the verge of throwing up his innards all over the desk. The _one _boy in this whole town that I was interested in, probably wanted to avoid me at all cost. And I had to deal with it for another one and a half years.

Great job, Bella!

I would have liked to see his record collection up close... maybe more if we ever hit it off.

**Will Bella succeed in seeing Edward's CDs? To be continued..**.

**And don't forget to check the hilarious parody of Tiffaninichole, the beta and co-author of this story: ****Sex God Hair ****and ********C**hocolate Orbs.  



	3. Chapter 3

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 3

EPOV

Diiiiiinng

The bell, finally!

_God__, if you exist,__bless you!_

I resisted, I did not run away, I knew how to remain stoic despite the abominable smell of dead rat assaulting my delicate senses.

I was proud of myself for sticking with it. I was a man, a real live manly-man. Well, a manly-man without tattoos. Tattoo guns have a bit of a tough time penetrating marble, and consequently, I was kind of made of marble.

How was it possible that Alice hadn't seen this in advance? She really had her head in the clouds, my sister. I guess I could understand that she'd been a little preoccupied by the fact that Jasper constantly wanted to eat Bella for brunch. Compared to keeping your husband from draining a girl like a Capri Sun, warning me about my having to sit next to a fishing port on a sunny day during Biology class is rather inconsequential.

But why did she have to stink so much? The more I thought about it, her smooth profile, those intense eyes, that alabaster skin and exquisite curves.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat and curse Alice for putting me in these skinny jeans. Why hadn't my thimble-sized sister put my comfort over the trendy cut? She'd be the death of me. These _girls _would be the death of me.

I was still investigating whether the putrid stench was Bella's natural odor. If it wasn't, I'd concocted numerous ways to approach her in a subtle but quick and suave "Edward Cullen style"

"Come with me," I'd croon to her. "I have a nice collection of CDs, even vinyls. If you're good, we can frolic in the trees behind my home."

I could maybe start by offering her a bit of toilet water.

No, too light.

Perhaps some perfume instead. It would have to be something very strong, heady, and intense. Opium by Yves Saint Laurent? Must of Cartier? Yes, that was heavy and should do the trick.

Now that that was settled, I was on to my next mission. Mrs. Cope's office.

_Don't read her thoughts. Don't read her thoughts._

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Cope." I leisurely leaned against the countertop and smirked. "You changed your hairstyle, I see. It's quite becoming."

My velvety voice did the trick and she was instantly blushing a bright red which complimented the orange undertones of her washed out hair dye.

She fluffed up her bosom and thrusted her chest closer to my face. "Oh, hello Edward. What can I do for you my handsome boy?"

"Oh, just a small favor. It's nothing, really." I pouted and her heart stopped for ten seconds as she witnessed my sexy dazzle, or sazzle for short. "It's just that I recently realized that in order for me to get into my college of choice, I need to transfer out of Advanced Biology. I was hoping that you'd help me change classes. Is there anything you can do to help?"

She flushed. "Oh, well, let me see what I can do..." She typed furiously while muttering to herself. Five minutes passed before she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Edward. Nothing else is available."

As soon as Ms. Cope finished speaking, I smelled _her_ and needed to make a quick exit.

"Thank you, Ms. Cope, but I must be leaving now." I made my exit as fast as humanly possible, which wasn't fast at all. Humans were impossibly slow.

Tomorrow would be the day that Isabella Swan will find an anonymous gift of perfume, and everything available that goes with it: body lotion, shampoo, etc. in her locker. I only hoped that she would put it to use as soon as possible. I didn't know how much more I could take.

**Thanks again to my wonderful beta Tiffani, she is working a lot to write us wonderful funny stories.**


	4. Chapter 4

~ How are you feeling today ? ~ 4

BPOV

Riiiing.  
Finally, the ordeal is over. I slowly pick up my things and prepare to leave, mentally kicking myself for missing the opportunity to bang that sex-god in the backwoods behind the school.  
Ah well, maybe that would have been too depressing for me anyway. The place is always green, always wet, always dreary and making the inhabitants want to off themselves. I may have not seen everybody... this is a concept to explore when I'm done with the Kärcher.

After walking around for the better part of an hour, I realize that I ' m lost.

Where ' s the front office?

How is it even possible to get lost in such a small school ?

I signed all my papers to go to the secretary's hair Leprechaun. Fortunately, Mike Newton- with his beady, wandering eyes- takes pity on me and tells me how to get there. At last, I enter the lair of the legendary, Irish being...My thoughts abruptly come to a halt.

No... not him !

I think the entire town of Forks can hear my gulp.

I ' d spent all last night de-boning fish with Charlie and didn' t have time take a shower- I didn ' t even have a little tube of sample sized perfume on me ! I go to the farthest corner away from him and try to make myself as small as possible. He shudders in disgust and I saw that shudder run down his spine. His beautiful spine that supports his tall, muscular, perfectly manly figure. He reaches up to run his fingers through an impressive crown of shimmering, bronze hair.

I wonder if that color is natural. I mean, who has bronze hair? I ' d never seen anything like it and I ' m from Phoenix. I ' ve seen everything.

Nah, it has to be his natural color. There ' s no way that Edward Cullen dyes his hair like a prissy girl. Edward Cullen exudes manliness and testosterone... but, he does have on skinny  
jeans...Oh God, maybe he has a thing for testosterone, too !

Maybe that ' s why he's so disgusted with me.

Everything Jessica told me is starting to make sense, now. He ' s never had a girlfriend because he ' s picky ? I think not. Edward Cullen is **gay**.

He must be too ashamed to come out of the closet, poor boy. And Forks isn ' t exactly the best place to be homosexual. I mean, at least in Phoenix, we had a gay club. There was nothing for poor, lonely Edward here. He must be so alone.

With thoughts of the gay Cullen clouding my thoughts, I decide to go home and take a shower. No, scratch that. I ' ll take a bath and maybe even add a touch of bleach. When added to pools, chlorine dominates and kills all bacteria and odor. Bleach should do the same thing, right ?

It' ll be perfect. I just hope that the prehistoric, red monster kicks on when I start the ignition. I ' d hate for Charlie ' s life savings to go to waste.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to Tiffaninichole who betaed a lot of chapters lately so you will read soon more chapters.

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 5

EPOV

"Alice, stop!" I shouted. That dwarf of a woman could **_not_ **shut up. She'd already left me in the dark and now she was making fun of me in front of Emmett! What was she thinking?

"Edward, I saw your biology lessons too late, but that doesn't mean that I have seen nothing."

"Exactly, Alice. What's done is done- it can't be undone. _Please let her drop the subject. Please let her drop the subject._

"Oh, but I have a lot to say my dear." Alice sings, while she twirls around the parking lot.

"What's going on, Alice?" Oh great, now Emmett is going to know my business.

"A charming scene, actually. Edward 'got wind' of the new girl." Alice hinted slyly.

Thankfully Emmett didn't get the meaning behind Alice's words. "Yeah, everyone has seen the new girl. So what?" Emmett was always the nosy one of the bunch, but I didn't mind him because he never called me Ed or Eddie. I despised being called either.

"While in her presence, he was so captivated_ by his senses__,_ that he forgot to listen to her thoughts." Oh, Alice is going to get it!

"Seriously, Edward? This isn't funny, Alice." Emmett turned to her in disbelief. "Our covers can be blown."

"Let it go, Em. I'll handle it." I sulked.

"Alright, man. We'll trust you." I sigh.

If this continues, I'll either end up having to avoid Bella like the plague, drain her or ravage her in her childhood bedroom. The last two options were particularly appealing.

"Stop worrying, Eddie-Boy."

_Eddie..._

_Eddie?_

I almost explode in a rush of marble-like rage, but a wave of calm envelopes me.

"Thanks, Jasper."

"You're welcome, my friend."

"What?" A surprised Emmett asked.

"Drop it. You won't understand."

As usual, Rosalie had to inject her negativity. "That Bella girl is some common and homely-looking. Very unfortunate."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly annoyed by her random statement.

"Do I really need to explain? You saw her yourself."

"Next to you, Princess, everyone is sloppy. Not to mention, your manners pre-date the war of '39."

"Why so cranky, Edward? Has the human brought out your manly side?" Rose asked, delighted that her spear had hit its target.

"Please be aware that I'm not impotent just because I have no interest in you, _Barbie._"

"In nearly one hundred years, you haven't proven us otherwise," she retorted scathingly.

"There are plenty of things about me that you know nothing about. _Some_ people actually like privacy and don't feel the need to wake an entire household!"

She just huffed and turned her back to me, which thankfully, put an end to the conversation.

I drove like a bat out of hell to get me away from my siblings and their inquiring minds. After all, perhaps Bella had seen enough of my glowering to keep a healthy distance away from me.

And if not, maybe I'll be able to get my hands on some skunk oil to dim her stench. But where would I get it? Craigslist? eBay?

Leeching into the simple brains of humans sometimes had its advantages.

Thinking of Bella made me want to play a depressing tune on my piano, although I had no clue why. It had been so long. My playing would undoubtedly astonish my sweet mother, Esme.

The patriarch of our family was doing his rounds at the hospital and for some reason, at that moment, thoughts of what went on in our home when us "children" were at school, seeped into my mind. I wonder what Freud would have thought of my double Oedipus.


	6. Chapter 6

Betaed by Tiffaninichole

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 6

BPOV

Okay, bath, check.

Homework, check.

That leaves me with one final task of conquering the smell in this house. Even after scrubbing every surface, the smell is still there. It's tenacious!

I wonder if Charlie has scented candles or incense...

_Yeah, __right__. _I snort.

Maybe I can try the general store around the corner. It's sad when a town is so small, they don't even have a Walmart. In Forks, we're stuck with the "general store."

Surprisingly, the small store carries scented candles and... what is this? _Massage candles?_

How naughty.

I thought those types of things were sold in specialty stores for the sado-masochistic.

After looking around, I don't come across any whips or chains or anything of that nature. Thank goodness.

There's a wide array of four candle scents and the decision almost boggles my mind. Jasmine, honeysuckle, ylang-ylang or chocolate?

"Hello, Bella."

That voice.

It can't be.

Please let me be dreaming, because I might pass out right here in front of him.

_Hmmm, maybe if I pass out __surreptitiously..._

I turn around and look into his golden eyes, losing all conscious thought. "Uhhh... what?" _Yeah, smooth._

He smiles a dazzling smile and me and... was I imagining things, or did his _teeth_ sparkle? "My name is Edward."

How nice of the Greek god to speak to a mere mortal such as myself. I don't say anything.

"Think you can do me a favor?"

_Who does he think he is?_

"It depends..." _Stay strong,__ Bella.__ G__irl power._

"That choice in fragrance- is it for girl or _boy_?

"Well, the better question is, are you asking for a _friend_ or a _girlfriend_?

He pauses. "For a girl I'd like to become friends with."

"She's lucky." _As if I were born yesterday._

"The saleswoman recommend this to me. Allure. Do you like it?" He asked, putting his freshly sprayed wrist on display in front of my nose. A wrist that was mere inches from his hand... a strong hand with long fingers...

"After what I went through this past weekend, my nose is having trouble recovering and I can't smell much."

"Anything I can help you with?"

Oh, that velvety voice made my hair stand on end.

I gulp.

"No, its okay. Thanks."

_Just grab the candles and go, Bella. He won't think that you waltzing off with twenty candles is odd at all._

"Ah, you're in hardcore."

"Pardon?" What's he saying?

"Well, you see, I noticed your hesitation between choosing the classic candles and the massage candles. You like pain. Am I right?"

Right then and there, in the middle of Forks' general store, my jaw hit the floor and I blushed every color in the rainbow. Before today, I didn't think it were possible to blush any other color but red.

"I... I..."

I quickly turn around and try not to run to the register. I need to get out of here ASAP.

"Bella, wait. You didn't tell me what you thought of the cologne!"

I ignore his attempt at conversation while I near my salvation: The exit.


	7. Chapter 7

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 7

EPOV

What an ass! What a fool! Despite my being subtle, I'd scared her. "A girl I'd like to become friend with."

Uh, maybe not. It can't be about the candles. I like candles, especially chocolate ones. Chocolate makes me think of her eyes... her beautiful chocolate eyes.

_Cheer up, Edward._

She didn't look like she had a dominant bone in her body, she looked so sweet. But I know that looks can be deceiving. She may very well be a tiger in the sack with mirrors on her ceiling and whips in her nightstand.

After hours upon hours of speculation, I was still no closer to explaining that smell. What had happened to her this weekend? She obviously didn't spend her free time bathing.

She smelled like a public Jacuzzi tonight. It was a vast improvement over what she'd smelled like before.

The girl messes with my head. It's made worse by the fact that I can't read her thoughts.

_Maybe I should pay the Chief a visit._

No one ever checks up on him, since he's the head of the police department. I would be doing a public service, making sure he was okay.

As soon as that thought pops in my mind, I'm perched on a tree outside of Bella's window. The Chief would want me to be sure that she wasn't in harm's way, I'm sure.

Her entire room is lit by a number of chocolate candles.

Is she into supernatural things?

Oh, no. She's a Goth.

Or a Satanist, perhaps?

I'm not a voyeur, just inquiring.

Forks' general store doesn't keep black candles in stock, so she bought the next closest thing. Brown.

She begins to undress and, oh, she's so hot. Beautiful, white cotton underwear.

Well, that negates the whole Goth/Satanist thing. They don't wear imaculate, white, cotton things.

I'm not a Peeping Tom, just intrigued.

I'll wait until she falls asleep and will creep into her bathroom to finally know her tastes in perfumes and fragrances. She has a wrinkle forming on her forehead when she focuses and it's cute. It excites me in more ways than one. As a vampire who has more than a century under his belt, I should be more concerned than I am about the fact that I just mentally used the word "cute."

She loves the classics: Pride and Prejudice. If she loves old things, I definitely have a chance.

I'm not a stalker, just checking for the Chief.

Now that her breathing is regular, I can go with my powers of speed, agility and swiftness. Yes, my vampire-y ways are impressive, but I don't even notice them anymore.

When I'm about to enter the bathroom, I stop in my tracks when her breathing quickens and she yells out: "No, not the fish Edward!" I hold my breath. "Anything you want, but no fish!"

I grab the handle and hear her continue: "You must go out of the closet."

She really jabbers on in her sleep. What was that about closets and fish? Perhaps she _is_ into the whole D/s lifestyle. I never really understand that whole scene. I would need to educate myself on these things.

Maybe Emmett, Jasper or Carlisle will give me a push in the right direction. We're all men, we're all vampires. We should support each other, right?

The closet holds nothing of importance. I'm sure Alice makes Jasper keep their closet full of all the latest trends.

A few more minutes of snooping and I've found it. _Flower by Kenzo_.

And she has what it takes to be safe: Strawberry and chocolate condoms.

It's suddenly hot and stifling in this small room. I need air. I need to release some of this tension.

**Thanks Tiffaninichole for this last chapter**. **I'll try to publish on my own after, you'll notice the difference!**


	8. Chapter 8

Not beta ed

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 8

BPOV

_Oh,__what a night from hell! I have not stopped dreaming about Edward, who forced me to eat all the fish of Saturday, the nightmare! I really need to sort out the mess that is in my brain._

_First: Edward is gay so it's not worth __fantasizing; I'm not one of those girls who think that nothing is lost when a guy has gone in the other team._

_Second: If he is not gay, what does he want? Be my friend? __The toilet water was for me? Or moreover because I smelled bad on the first day that we met? Or he wants to be more than my friend? Yes, let it be this: he is crazy about my body (when it feels good) and he'll chase me, yes, yes, yes._

_Thirdly, if there really is no hope of that side, I'll go __nearby the Indian reservation and Jacob and me, we'll shake the tepee like crazy. Sounds a little desperate for a B plan. I am more worthy than that anyway._

_I have to park__ now. It is not easy with the red tank. I'm watching all the heads, but I feel like I have seen everyone. Obviously, the Cullens have the most beautiful cars. They have really everything for them, besides being beautiful like gods, they are loaded. Me, jealous? Not at all. I have a truck that fell pieces by pieces and a computer, if you pedal fast enough, you have Google in a quarter of an hour top flat! Happiness is my middle name._

_The tank is parked, the handle did not stay in my hand. So far so good. Now I'm going to focus not to trip over invisible obstacles strewn in my path._

- Hello Bella. _Forks Gossip girl spotted me, let's see what that brings._

- Oh, hello Jessica.

- So you went near the Forks Adonis? _I suspected, in addition to plant his claws into Mike-you-throw-me-a-bone, she wants the village hotty._

- Want to talk about Edward? '_Personified innocence'._

- Who else?" _I'm gonna get you, sweetty._

- Yes. Although Mike under his rustic appearance may be hiding many treasures. _Skilful diversion conversation in sight._

- Mike is not free. _Touchy is she not?_

- Really? _Too easy._

- Yes, yes. _She did not seem to try again for Cullen and I breathe better. Well, where's the locker? I really have no sense of direction._

- See you soon. _Pure j__ettisoning and final shot._

- Yeap, see you at the self.

After searching in the corridors...

_Finally! My locker. But __there was no package yesterday. A complete Kenzo set!_

_And then my heart __races..._


	9. Chapter 9

**~ How are you feeling today? ~ 9**

**EPOV**

_I could not resist, I had to see her reaction. No, I'm not a potential stalker. Just curious about __her reaction to my gift. Normal, right? At the same time, I do not disagree: that girl drives me crazy._

_She__ opens the door, she hesitates ... ... unpacks it, ... it is weird. It seems that her cheeks go green or crimson...? Maybe it was not a delicate gift? What's that noise? Ouch, I have completely twisted the edge of the rack on which I leaned: discrete vampire who can easily mingle with humans, I don't think so._

- You're unbelievable, man!

- Ahhhhhh!

- Amazing, now I can surprise you? You must make your move the faster it goes for our safety. _Yes, I know I am only the shadow of the gifted vampire I was two days ago._

- Jazz, what are you doing here? _Jazz speaking more than 2 words, it will be sunny throughout the year to Forks._

- I've come to see with my own eyes your prowess, my boy.

- What feats? _My failures, yes._

- You know I never felt such strong and shared emotions in a person? Bella will kill you or rape you, I can not be determined. You're really amazing when you're going at it. _He lays his arm around my shoulders to support his claim and I become rigid externally and liquefied inside._

- It's supposed to help me what you just said or are you kidding me? _What junk!_

- Come on, my name is not Emmett. You can count on me in any circumstance. Especially if it includes Bella.

- Pardon? _What's the matter, Alice is not enough?_

- Well yes, you seem to have grown up we can speak now man to man. _Fair enough._

- Exactly, I was wondering about the lifestyle of Bella.

- It's interesting; say it all to uncle Jazzy. _I can bring the subject casually._

- The other night she bought chocolate candles.

- It's actually a good idea.

- But not massage candles, you know the classics.

- More and more interesting. _Why his eyes shine as much when I speak of candles, it reminds him of memories?_

- You think she uses it for what?

- Let me think ... scented candles, chocolate flavor ...perfuming her house?

- Oh? _I really look like a douche._

- You thought what?

- Oh, something unimportant like D/s lifestyle. _Here, I look like a perv._

- Well, next time, come see me. It is true that dominatrix Bella, it thrilled the libido, isn't it? _And to lay it thick, he gives me a knowing smile, who does he think he is? Belladom is __**my**__ fantasy!_

- Uh. _Wouldn't be old Jasper in this lifestyle__? It must be said that he had known less lenient periods._

- Hello Edward. _Damn!_

- Hi Bella. _Can't h__e get off my shoulders Jasper? It's not very manly._

- I think we need to talk.

_Oh no!_


	10. Chapter 10

~ How are you feeling today? ~ 10

BPOV

_He will hear me, this hyper sexy degenerated boy! He dared! Still it's cute, it's horrifying! I'll do him! Grrr! Oh yes, I'll do him! Mmmm. Well, I must decide myself at the end. In addition, he stupidly admires his work hidden by a locker. He is lucky to be stunning. What is that sound of crackling metal?_

_In addition, the other big blonde curly haired boy jumps his bones... and here he goes and caresses his shoulders. Bella, my girl, I told you the first impression is always the right one, look to the fiddle in public. Scandalous! I'm going to vomit! I thought he was with the little brown one that looks like an elf who drinks Red Bull all day. They are perhaps into threesome? When we consider they **are** **together** under one roof, it's reasonable to ask questions. But what are the parents doing?_

_I go; i must learn to take the bull by the horns. Edward Cullen, watch out!_

- Hello Edward.

- Hi Bella. _Yeah, play the innocent__, it suits you._

- I think we need to talk. _Who said that all problems stem from lack of communication between couples? But what do I say? We are not a couple! We have spoken twice in all and for all. Fortunately or unfortunately? Rrrrrrrrr. Make up your mind Bella._

- Follow me in the woods. _At least if I'm wallowing, there will be no witness._

- Yes Bella. _I like when he is obedient._

They slowly leave the confines of the institution and sink gradually into the surrounding forest. Bella gets rid of her bag without looking over and continues to advance, Edward, good gentleman picked it. She crashes into a clearing and without turning her spiel begins.

- You wear slim pants. _Soft start, no answer, good, I continue._

- You are very sensitive to odours. _Let us gently so as not to push it straight into a corner._

- You are not interested in any girl since you came to Forks? _Clearly identify the contours of the subject._

- Uh ...

- I know what you are ... _and the coup de grace._

- Say it out loud" he replied his voice all raspy. _He understands quickly_ but _he must be explained long._

- Gay.

**Any resemblance to a well-known scene is absolutely not coincidental. I wait for your reviews on this inadvertent desecration.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Not beta'ed**

**~ How are you feeling today? ~ 11**

**EPOV**

- Follow me into the woods. 'Waouw, the box was a good plan, I thought well, she wants to go all the way?'

Yes Bella. 'She is so sexy when she is authoritarian. Jasper is out, it's a dominatrix, I think.

Follow her, do not talk, look like a good little submissive, it should please her. Should I call her Mistress? She throws her bag away, that's my cue, I picked it. Oh, she stops. She looks really upset.'

- You wear slim pants. 'Don't mention it! With this hysteria maniac that forces us to wear whatever she chooses every morning, the sewing of my pants enters in my ass and scratch my ...'  
- You are very sensitive to odors. 'This is normal, I am a supernatural being with ultra developped senses.'

- You are not interested in any girl since you came to Forks? '_Did you see the pile of ugly ones in this area?__Fortunately, you've appeared because I was pointed to more years of "manual labor.'  
_- Uh ... She knew I liked her or not?  
- I know what you are ... _so now I'm lost, what is her point_?  
- Say it out loud, ' looking like the coolest dude on earth to pretend I master cryptic speech.  
- Gay. _WHAT!_  
- What? _I manage to say._

- Yes, Edward, you must confess to your true self your deep cravings, you know I can understand you. Most people might be ultra-religious, racist, sexist and homophobic, I am better than that. I can be your friend, if you want. And she reaches out.

Ouch, I will have to play it tight.  
I become her gay boyfriend and she will be uninhibited with me and it is certainly worth the look. If I want to start a cure anti-voyeurism, it is not the right thing. They are so cute her baumwole underwear. Rooo.  
Or I corrected this right away and:

1: she takes me savagely against a tree,  
2: she slaps me for having made it clear that she stunk,  
3: she released her whip and Mistress Bella is revealed,  
4: I begin a bold and subtle offering to see my record collection.

She looks at me with big innocent eyes still. It's scary. What do I do?  
5: ...

Help! Help Edward, he is lost. His punishment is worse than the donkey of Buridan. A gesture, a single, press the bubble just below. Is one of the anonymous will make a move?


End file.
